Abusive Leadership
March 12, 2010 by Lakita
Filed under From the Mailroom
A couple weeks ago I received the following anonymous email. I asked “dancer” if I could publish her message and my reply here to assist anyone else that may be dealing with abusive leadership
Update: Dancer has asked me to remove her original email. She does not want to risk being recognized. I have deleted her original email and replaced it with a generic question.
Dancer wrote:
Hi Min. Lakita
The leader of the dance ministry I am part of has some abusive ways.
I understand that no one is perfect. But if we are supposed to be like Christ, doesn't that apply to everyone? What can we do, other than pray and be quiet, or leave the group?
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Dancer,
Thank you for writing with your concern. There are a few areas I want to address, then hopefully give you a practical strategy for dealing with the situation. I must warn you, my answers are going to center around praying and being quiet…but hopefully it will provide insight, focus and strategy.
1. Gift vs. Title
It is important to remember that everyone that has the title of leader does not necessarily have the gift of leadership. This is not to say that your leader isn’t called or gifted…but may be carrying an overwhelming responsibility. Consider Joseph, at the age of 17 his father gave him a coat of many colors (a sign of leadership), but he was not mature enough to handle it at the time. Joseph’s young immature mouth got him in trouble, but he turned out being one of the greatest leaders in ancient Egypt.
Bestselling author John Maxwell talks about the 5 levels of leadership:
Level 1 – People follow you because they have to. “The boss mentality”
Level 2 – People follow you because they want to. Relationships develop, passion & energy grows
Level 3 – People follow you because they realize what you have done. Momentum builds as a result of influence.
Level 4 – People follow you because of what you’ve done for them. Loyalty grows.
Level 5 – People follow you because of what you represent.
Unfortunately, a great majority stay at level 1. Maxwell calls advancing to level 2 a quantum leap, but it is one that few leaders take.
The gift of leadership is a special ability from God to map out and communicate his purpose so that people work together to accomplish them and bring Him glory. Gifted leaders are also motivators.
Dancer, I would suggest reading John Maxwell’s The 360 Degree Leader: Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization
Also, in your private prayer time:
– pray that the Lord stirs up the gift of leadership in your leader
- call out your leader by name and ask the Lord to help him/her govern diligently according to Rom 12:8
- pray that the root of every offense be plucked up and the ministry can move forth in unity
- ask the Lord to show you your heart. Petition Him to make clear anything you may need to change.
While you could (and should) pray for your leader as a group (probably during prayers at the beginning and end of your practices), any prayers addressing leadership improvements should be done in private. Assembling the ministry members to pray about leadership issues can inadvertently undermine the authority of the leader and magnify problems to others that may have been otherwise unaware.
2. Saul, David and Absalom
Saul had the potential to be a great leader, but he his jealousy of David get the best of him (1 Sam 18). The more Saul tried to attack David, the more the Lord blessed him. Some leaders are like this…throwing spears at those that are trying to help them. How did David reply? He didn’t pick up the spear and throw it back…he got out of dodge! David maintained respect and authority for King Saul, and that is what we are to do in the face of adverse leadership. Rebellious subordinates run the risk of becoming like Absalom. I like this quote from the summary of A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness:
Even when we are sure – absolutely sure – that the leader above us is a Saul, we must continue to treat that person as a David, for to do otherwise would make us an Absalom. And even when we are convinced beyond a doubt that the rebellious subordinate is playing the role of Absalom, we must treat that person as a David, for to do otherwise would make us a Saul.
What do you do?
- Trust that God is working it out and do not take matters into your own hands.
- Do not allow yourself to get hurt in the process, so if that means a period of separation do so. This does not mean round up a posse and take them with you. That is what a prideful Lucifer did when he was cast out of heaven. Instead, respectfully exit for a season if that is your only recourse.
3. Prayer AND Fasting
The bible often talks about prayer and fasting (Luke 2:37, Mark 9:29). Oftentimes there are strongholds that are keeping a ministry from collectively moving to the next level. Fasting as a unified body can sharpen spiritual awareness as the flesh is put under subjection.
I would suggest approaching the leader one on one and suggesting a corporate fast so the ministry can go to another level in God. Be prepared to offer suggestions if asked.
Summary:
To answer your specific question, yes, of course we are supposed to be like Christ — that does apply to everyone. Christ was spit on, embarrassed, humiliated, lied on…and what did He do? Father, forgive them for that know not what they do.
Please understand that I am not taking the leader’s side nor condoning abusive behavior, but I can only deal with what you can do. We can’t change anybody…only God can do that. Rest assured if the tables were turned and a leader wrote with problems with their subordinates, I would focus on the leader.
Blessings & Love,
Lakita
Additional Reading on Leadership from Company Keepers: Dance Ministry Talk
Disclosure: There are affiliate links in this post. That means if you click on the link and make a purchase, I receive a commission. No amount of commission is worth the trust of the readers. I only link to resources I feel would be of benefit.
Posted by Lakita Fane
Lakita Fane serves as the founder of Paneh Praise Dance & Mime Ministry. Find out more about her or follow her on Twitter (@Paneh).
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Lakita, I think you gave an awesome and comprehensive answer. There is really not much to add but I would like to throw another thought on the table.
1 Peter 2:18-21, "Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps."
This passage simply confirms that we don't have a get out of jail free card with serving abusive leadership. The word harsh in the KJV is the word "froward" which is "crooked, perverse and wicked".
Hebrews 13:17, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you."
Note the bolded part. At the end of the day, we are held accountable by God based on how we respond to leadership…but the leader is held accountable to God for how they lead. This is just a scripture we need to know exists so that when we are subject to this kind of behavior, God is not saying they will not be dealt with but His ways are not our ways.
Finally, I second the motion on prayer and I might encourage one to be specific with the prayer. I have served under this type of leadership in the past (in church and in secular arenas) and my experience has been consistent. The leader had issues. LOL! Seriously, they had some deep seeded feeling of insecurity and they were trying to over compensate with their "bark", or they were the product of serving under abusive leadership themselves and when they got free they either mimiced the behavior intentionally with the attitude, "Now it's my turn to be the big person on campus"…or unintentionally because they got too close and drank in the abusive spirit of their former leader think this is the way to do it.
In the secular arena I was delivered from this challenge when I began to pray for the leader. I prayed they would feel confident in their position, they would be adequately recognized for a job well done (they actually did good work) and I prayed that their needs would be met. One day they came into my office a cried because of a mistake they had made and I had an opportunity to encourage them. Our relationship changed from that point forward and they gave me a gift when they left the job. In the church, the person eventually self distructed and they showed their behavior to one who had authority to deal with them and they were eventually removed from the position. God set them up!
All I can say is hold on. The strength of a butterfly's flight is based on the development of their wings in the struggle to get out of the cocoon. God only allows us to go through struggles so that we can later use the muscles we developed for our new assignments in Him.
wow…it is so sad that this goes on so much, in the House of God. and that a person would even have to make that kind of choice. i don't know what i would do if it were me. it reminds me of a secular song by Babyface and Stevie Wonder called How Come, How Long? all we can do is, pray. i hear of this going on in choirs all the time, one famous choir director was known for throwing shoes at choir members. who didn't sing correctly, yet her children and grandchildren have all become some ot the most popular in the gospel music industry. i had a ballet teacher who used to hit and poke us with sticks and canes. this brings back all kinds of bad memories.
i would say to "Dancer", fast, pray, and tell God all about it. He is Love, and the Word is clear on what Love is, and does. There are two sides to every story but i am sure there is some truth to this one because we hear too much of it. leaders feel that because they are good at what they do, and have a position that they are within their rights to do as they like, and treat people any kind of way because they speak for God. it is what they call the "God-Complex" but there is only One God, wno sits high and looks low, who sees and hears everything we all do. Don't retaliate, don't fight God's anointed even though we are all God's anointed. He is not pleased., yes, pray and be quiet and see what God will do. Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. He will either change the situation or move you on to something better. everyone is not abusive, there are still loving people in the church. Keep dancing and praising the Lord!
Elder James….all I can say is PREACH! That's part 2! Thank you so much for sharing!!!!